| Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well,
I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful
woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took
off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second
engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The
doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have
a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with
that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The
greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year,
so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent
for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say
a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these
guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers -Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion
dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get
the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day
studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small
"x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated,
"This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine
worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for £50,000
from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting
of his charges. The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark £1
Knowing where to put it £49,999 It was paid in full and the
engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it
was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands
of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil
engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
Comprehending Engineers -TakeEight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time
with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If
you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending
time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some
Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally,
the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want.
Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.
I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's
You might be an engineer
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to
find the burnt-out bulb in the string
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade
your RAM is a moral dilemma
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,
and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
You are always late to meetings
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs
to see how they do the special effects
You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since
you got married
You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
hanging coats and taping ducts
You know what http:// actually stands for
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
You see a good design and still have to change it
You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring
You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't
get enough sleep
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
You window shop at Radio Shack
You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the
moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
You know what the geosynchronous satellite function is
Your laptop computer costs more than your car
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300Mhz Pentium
You've already calculated how much you make per second
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio