Humorous Notices from around
Bucharest, Hotel :
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person
to do such thing is please no to read notis.
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.
Do not enter the lift backward, and only when lit up.
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours
of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.
It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner if dressed as
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.
Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it
to the guard on duty.
Rome, Doctor surgery:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
Japan, Hotel :
Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.
Tokyo, Car Rental:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.
English well talking.
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
Switzerland, Restaurant menu:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Poland, Restaurant menu:
Salad a firm's own make. Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger. Roasted duck let loose. Beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.
Hong Kong, Tailor:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
Bangkok, Dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Paris, Clothes hire:
Dresses for street walking.
Rhodes, Clothes shop:
Order your summers suits. Because is big rush we will execute customers
in strict rotation.
Russia, Tourist ofice:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters
and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
Hong Kong, Dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodist.
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
Prague, Tourist Office:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Thailand, Donkey hire:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
Special Today: no ice cream.
In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out.
Please abuse the manageress only between 11:00 and 12:00.
Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT.
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT
BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN
ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING
YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN.
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE
ON THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL