Humorous Notices from around the World

Bucharest, Hotel :
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please no to read notis.

Japanese Elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Leipzig, Elevator:
Do not enter the lift backward, and only when lit up.

Belgrade, Elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

Paris, Hotel:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

Athens, Hotel
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Yugoslavia, Hotel
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Japan, Hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Russia, Hotel:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

Bangkok, Temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner if dressed as a man.

Tokyo, Bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Denmark, Airport:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow, Hotel:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norway, Bar:
Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.

Budapest, Zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

Rome, Doctor surgery:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

Japan, Hotel :
Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

Tokyo, Car Rental:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Majorca, Shop:
English well talking.

Austria, Hotel:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascensions.

Switzerland, Restaurant menu:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Poland, Restaurant menu:
Salad a firm's own make. Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger. Roasted duck let loose. Beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Hong Kong, Tailor:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Bangkok, Dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Paris, Clothes hire:
Dresses for street walking.

Rhodes, Clothes shop:
Order your summers suits. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Russia, Tourist ofice:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

Zurich, Hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

Hong Kong, Dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodist.

Rome, Laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Prague, Tourist Office:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

Thailand, Donkey hire:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Switzerland, Cafe:
Special Today: no ice cream.

Tokyo, Hotel:
In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out.

Greece, Hotel:
Please abuse the manageress only between 11:00 and 12:00.

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN.

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)