If you Kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you do not, you are not a man.

If you Praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you do not, you are good for nothing.

If you agree with all her likes, you are abusing
If you do not, you are not understanding.

If you make romance, you are an experienced man
If you do not, you are half a man.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you do not, you are a dull boy.

If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you do not, she accuses you of double-crossing.

If you are jealous, she says it is bad
If you are not jealous, she thinks you do not love her.

If you attempt a romance, she says you did not respect her
If you do not, she thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait
If she is late, she says that is a womans way.

If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another, Oh, it is natural, we are women.

If you Kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you Kiss her too many times, she yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it is just one of mans tactics.

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared at by others, she say that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

Oh God!  You created those creatures called woman
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable

O LORD, TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

AMEN.